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Pretty Good: Mugshots should reflect VALUES PDF Print E-mail
Written by Alexander LaSalle   
Wednesday, 02 May 2012 19:17

Consider this an open letter to all professors currently working at Georgia Southern University.

You’re hurting us. Specifically, you are damaging the image of our beloved university, with its scenic Sweetheart Circle and duck-filled lakes.

Recent times have seen multiple professors investigated and charged with criminal activity.

In November, now-former Writing and Linguistics Department Chair Randall McClure was arrested and charged with a felony — theft by deception — on Nov. 14 before being released on bond.

In December, biology professor Lance Durden was charged with one count of animal cruelty.

More recently, we have reported on accusations of misused funds levied against calculus professor Steven Damelin.

To be frank, this is making us look bad.

Yes, I understand the concept of “innocent until proven guilty,” and I fully support it. None of the above can be considered guilty until proven so in a court of law.

But seriously, do any of you guys know how to take a mugshot?

I know you don’t exactly have time to prepare for the camera, but you could try to look like you’ve seen a mirror in the past year or so? Maybe try to calm down that cowlick sticking off the top of your head.

Mr. Durden, you are a professor at a prestigious research university with over 20,000 students. We know you have a good brain in you, but you need to make up your mind between normal hair and mad scientist hair. Your mugshot was stuck in the middle. Not working.

And don’t forget to smile. Damelin’s mugshot, which we printed and put with the story online, is a picture of the most depressed and depressing person I have. Mr. Damelin, you are tenured professor here at GSU. Hell, you actually understand calculus, something most of us only dream of. Try to look like someone of your caliber.

I’ve been to funerals where people, including the deceased, looked more upbeat.

On the other hand, maybe that’s what happens to people who spend their lives doing calculus.

I’m sure our darling GSU can handle a few felonies here and there. No biggie. But please, try to class it up a bit. “Theft by deception” is already one of the classiest of crimes. Money laundering and organized crime are not too far off.

Make us proud. Brush your teeth, keep your hair down and try to keep it classy. We have an image to protect.

 
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